I had a nice little article planned today about the types of loans; however, the universe has something different in mind for me today.
Let me start by saying I woke up irritable and annoyed at 5:20 am this morning to the sound of my doggie whining. That is unusual because we have a normal routine that he is accustomed to already. I normally wake up at 5:55 so I was annoyed by a loss of 35 mins of sleep. I continued the morning routine as normal, getting the boys up and ready and out to catch the bus.
I give myself alone time every day after the kids leave for yoga and/or meditation. So, now its idk like 7:30 am, I am mid yoga, and my calander notifies me that Trey (youngest son) has a barber appointment at 8:00am. Shit.. He’s already gone on the bus and I haven’t had a shower in probably two days (I know- but joys of working from home) so I am definitely not going to make it. I cancel the appointment and go to try and book another on his app. THE WHOLE MONTH OF MAY IS FULL. Fuck.
I go back to yoga, streaching and breathing, but I am so negative. Something is wrong with me today. I am changing my thoughts as the bad ones come in, Im redirrecting them somewhere else. Normally, I am naturally optimistic and organized. Something is off. I keep talking shit to myself, “how could you forget, how can you be so stupid. “while trying to breathe and tell myself it’s okay, everything is fine and nothing is really wrong. Something was wrong though, I just didn’t know what it was.
So I continue on with my day and start working. I had a few good calls and landed a deal at work, and thought “great, things are looking up.” Well, Typing in the dates on my excel sheet and I finally realized what is wrong with me and I cried- I mean just lost it. TODAY IS APRIL 27TH- My late grandmother’s birthday. I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME.
My mind knew it was her birthday even when I didn’t know. My body knew. All of me knew. When my conscience finally caught up with the rest of me, I had to take a break. It was too overwhelming. I went back to yoga- my favorite way to release stress or any kind of emotion- I had to name the feeling that I was feeling and sit with it.- Really FEEL it- I sat with my grief today in ways I have not since she passed. I did meditate in the yoga poses and used breathwork to release the tension in my muscles.
Now, I am fine. What I thought was going to be a bad day was really only just trying to get my attention. Sometimes when you feel off, like something isn’t quite right, the universe is asking you to explore a little deeper. I do not know who needs to see these words on the page, but it is for you if you resonate with it. I was called to share my experience today, in ways that I am usually not. Pay attention to your feelings and thoughts.
Now, I’m headed out to get some balloons to release in her honor. I keep in mind that I am so thankful for her- she raised me- and the things she did for me. I miss her deeply but it will all be okay because I believe she’s guiding me and I will notice each and every small thing or synchronicity that comes my way.
I Love You All!
Until next time- love and luck.