Domestic Violence does not discriminate. Domestic violence can occur no matter what your socioeconomic status is, no matter what skin color you are, no matter what your sexual orientation is and no matter if you live together, are dating, are married, have children together or are separated.
Domestic violence is one of the most under reported crimes worldwide where 1:4 women and 1:7 men will experience it in their lifetime. Domestic violence doesn’t just occur between men and women, bisexual women have the highest DV prevalence at 61.1%. Lesbian women follow closely with 43.8% reporting that they have experienced DV.
Also 1:15 children are exposed to domestic violence and 90% of the time they witness it first hand in their own home.
–This past Sunday a girl I knew from early college was critically injured due to domestic violence. I’m not sure of their relationship status at the time but they have a son together. She was shot multiple times and he even shot a female friend that was with her.
I’m not sure what made this man mad enough to potentially kill the mother of his child.
The best thing we can do is to be aware. Know the types of abuse and the warning signs. That way we can get ourselves or others out of a potentially dangerous situation.
The most basic definition of Domestic Violence is, “violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner.” – – this came straight from google and is what most people think of when asked about DV.
But the REAL definition is:
“A pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.” – National DV Hotline
The first definition uses violent or aggressive to idolize that it purely has to be physical. Where the second definition implies that power or control is the main issue. But I’m sure if you see a pattern of controlling behavior it could possibly someday turn violent.
According to the National domestic Violence Hotline there are 8 types of Domestic Violence:
- Any use of coercion or threats- if she/he threatens to hurt you, leave you, commit suicide ect
- Use of Intimidation- nasty looks, Actions, gestures to make your do what she/he desires
- Emotional Abuse- calling you names, using mind games, guilt or humiliation. ect
- Economic Abuse- Won’t let you have access to money or get/keep a job
- Male Privilege- these are the men who expect women to be servants and usually make ALL decision for both of them
- Use of Isolation- Controlling who you talk to/ visit, usually keeping you away from close friends or family. are jealous of time spent away
- Use of the Children- using children to pass nasty messages, or threatening to take kids away
- Denying and Blaming- blaming the victim, or making fun of the abuse, nothing is ever the abusers fault ect
There are many warning signs for domestic violence. Usually someone in love will over look these “anger issues” or jealousy because they love their partner and do not want to leave. But please pay attention, stay woke. Stay true to yourself and watch out for yourself and your family.
Here are a FEW warning signs and ONLY showing 1 or 2 of these is a RED FLAG!!! Some one who..
- Uses verbal put downs and tells/makes your feel that you can never do anything right.
- Shows extreme jealousy of friends/family/any time way
- Discourages you from seeing/spending time with family/friends
- Insults,demeans, or shames you
- Controls most every penny that is spent in the household
- Refuses to give $ for necessary things (feminine products/food/meds)
- Looks or Acts in ways that scare you
- Prevents you from making your own decisions (usually by coercion)
- Destroys property or threatens to hurt/kill pets
- Intimidates you with guns or weapons
- Pressures you to use drugs/alcohol
- Pressures you to have sex when you don’t want to
After hearing about what happened to the girl I knew, I wanted to spread awareness to help others in the future and also to let you all know to keep her in your prayers. She still has a long road of recovery ahead and even once the physical is healed, the soul will need to heal. Her two babies almost lost their mom. Please pray for them too.
If you know someone who is in a dv situation, there are plenty of options for you when reaching out to them.
The Domestic Violence Hotline phone number 1800 799 7233 And the website like is above. Please use this resource.
Locally, if you live close to me in North Carolina
Amy’s House can help with courts/ legal assistance, counseling, support groups, Parenting classes, job readiness programs, job referrals and housing referrals. And the best part is that it is also an emergency shelter.
Call them at 704 736 1224
Lots of love and peace :]