Open letter to the absent parent

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There could be many reasons for your absence. None of your reasons will matter to your child, at least not right now. All the child knows is that they are missing a parent.

You will miss your child grow up,

Miss their 1st steps and words, or maybe you ran out later and will miss their 1st day of school, 1st sports games, or prom. You will miss the daily interactions and trust building in the process. You will miss everything and you have to live with knowing that’s it’s your fault. The child may or may not forgive you when they grow up.

You won’t know anything about your child,

Do you know your child(ren)s fave color? Do you know what they like or eat or their fave food? Nope. chances are you don’t because you’re not around to know these things. As any parent knows a child’s interests change with age, therefore just because you may have been around for a few, doesn’t mean you know them now. Even if you “pop in” from time to time chances are you still won’t know because you miss more than you’re around. Do you know what doctor office they visit or basic traits of their personality? Probably not. But guess what if you don’t know them they won’t know you.

Kids ask questions about you that sometimes we can’t answer,

Honestly, when other kids have a dad at their honor roll breakfast, or at all pro dads breakfast, the kids without one always ask why? WHY is the hardest freaking question ever. I want to say, ” because your dad is a piece of shit who doesn’t care about anyone except himself… ” BUT I CAN’T SAY THAT. Not because I care anything about you, I care about my children and that’s too grown for their ears. All I can say is that I don’t know but I love you very much and I’ll always be here. But shame on you… my heart breaks every time I hear a question like that.

Your Child could grow up to have anxiety, depression, and trust issues.

This is a big gray area that depends on what age you left and how they are raised after you leave. But please know your child will always have an empty spot where your love is supposed to be. They can grow up to be distrustful of people and have problems forming healthy adult relationships. Or always worried that someone will leave them. The fact that you were absent is something they will always know. It won’t change even if you try later in life, but it may help achieve some closure. I have ready plenty of studies about absent parents, as well as living my first 7 years with one, and studies show it’s something that can affect the child’s entire life.

You left the other parent to do it alone,

Like I said there are many reasons for the parents absence, BUT As the primary parent who busts ass to make things happen. FUCK YOU! You left your responsibility to go do whatever you want, while we’re here making sure the child(ren) eat, have shelter, do good in school, pay sports, have decent clothes and shoes, and make arrangements for them everyday. ITS REALLY NOT FAIR. It’s not about us being jealous of you I promise we’re not. It’s the fact that you don’t help EVER and we didn’t make this kid alone.

We got it though,and We will go above and beyond

It’s not like you worry about the child anyways but please know I am the primary parent and anything my child needs, he or she, will have it. With the exception of you, thats the only thing we can’t give.

The older they get, no words are needed, they figure it out

Don’t be surprised if the child(ren) never give you a chance when they’re an adult. That will be their own choice. Some kids who never met the parent may be curious to see the other half of their genetics But if they’ve met you and you left or you liked to pop in every few months, then chances are when you’re finally ready to be involved yo won’t be allowed. They watched a single parent struggle, or saw a step parent enhance their life. Either way they know you had nothing to do with their growth.

Don’t be mad when someone else steps in your place.

You have no right to be mad. A step parent can add an extra income, extra love and a helping hand the primary parent may really need.

This is just a small amount I could say to you. I don’t hate you, I’m glad I have my child(ren) but you’re selfish. My child(ren) deserve better, they deserve a better parent, one who is active in their life. They deserve your love, even when you don’t deserve theirs.

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